D3 body, D1 cock
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
