Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
