I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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