can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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