I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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