I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
