First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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