i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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