Will you blow on my dice?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
