you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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