I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
