I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
