Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
