Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
