I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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