I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he had hair everywhere except his balls
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
