Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
