so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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