she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
