i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
