I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
