Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
