We need to rekindle our bromance
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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