I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
