You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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