So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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