so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
