so explain again why im purple
no
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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