I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
