Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
