The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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