i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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