one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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