I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
