Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
