Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
