The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
