I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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