kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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