dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there's paper in my vomit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
