then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
