just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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