That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
