my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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