Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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