Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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