All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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