She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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