Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
