so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
