I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
