so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
