There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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