Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
