I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
