I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
