sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
